


It's such a fine line that keeps me searching

by morganya



Category: Bandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:17:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganya/pseuds/morganya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabe and Carden, road trip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's such a fine line that keeps me searching

**Author's Note:**

> Written for no_tags 2013.

Gabe came into town a week after Mike's graduation. He woke up to a flurry of texts; Gabe bored at the airport, waiting for his luggage, picking up the rental car. Most of the texts were the usual Saporta-style stream-of-consciousness – my toe itches, I just got a Snickers, what the fuck's up with this weather – but somewhere in the fray was Gabe asking if he wanted to hang out, and Mike wasn't about to say no.

He wasn't about to let Gabe see his apartment; his housekeeping had become almost nonexistent over the past few weeks. He gave Gabe the address of his favorite coffee place instead.

As was usual with Gabe, he was late. Mike was on his second green tea when Gabe strode in, looking like he'd just come from a hipster's garden party. Immediately he waved his arms and shouted, "Carden, you asshole," hurrying to the table.

It had been about five thousand years, but Mike still felt his heart beating faster when Gabe was around. It should have ended years ago, when Mike was still some dumb kid in a band, but Gabe was hard to forget.

"I'm only here for a couple hours," Gabe told him. His elbows were on the table; his cappuccino was getting cold. "I'm going to try to drive up to Portland."

"Portland?"

Gabe shrugged. "There's this dude my shaman told me about. Apparently he's working miracles with crystals and shit. I have to check it out."

"I didn't think crystals were your thing."

"Dude, I spent a month in the rainforest tripping balls the whole time. This sounds like the lap of luxury to me."

"I guess. So you're driving there?"

"Yeah. Immigrant holes and shit. Need to fill them somehow."

"Okay."

"So you still the big man on campus?"

"Not anymore," Mike said. "Graduated."

"Shit, man. Bachelors and everything?"

"Associates," Mike said. "Have to figure out if I'm going to try for the full thing."

"You think you might? Or just go back to the music thing?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Mike said.

"Oh," Gabe said. "Let me drive you home."

When they pulled into the parking lot, Mike couldn't move. He sat in the passenger side trying to psych himself up to go up to his empty apartment and continue sorting out his life. It wasn't working.

"Carden," Gabe said. "What the fuck, dude."

"I'm going," Mike said. "Give me a second."

Gabe was silent for a while. Finally he said, "You believe in traveling light, bro?"

"What?"

"You want to go grab some clothes and come along with me, or just go looking like your usual piece of shit self?"

It took a minute to realize what Gabe was offering. Mike said, "The usual, I guess."

*****

They saw a fight outside some Stockton bar just as they were pulling up. It was still light out, not the usual time for a bar brawl, but it seemed like it was happening anyway. From the inside of the car, it was hard to tell who started it.

He looked at Gabe. Outside the two guys were still swinging at each other. "There's no manual for this shit," Gabe said.

"Should we go break it up?"

"I'll do it if you will."

Mike reached for the door as Gabe shut off the car. He was squaring his shoulders in anticipation when two other guys charged out of the bar and started yelling. The word cops was mentioned more than once. The fight stopped after that.

"I don't think I want to stop here anymore," Mike said.

"Yeah, me neither." Gabe started the car up again. "Decisions were a lot easier to make when I just didn't give a fuck, you know."

"Yeah."

They had both given up most of their bad habits. Mike wasn't sure if that made them different people or not. Sometimes Mike felt like himself and sometimes he wasn't sure where this person in the mirror had come from. He wanted to ask Gabe about that, but he wasn't too sure he could say it right.

"Look at the sky, Carden," Gabe said. "Check out that smoggy California sky. It's a nice time to be alive."

*****

They grabbed some food at a vegan Chinese restaurant in Sacramento, just to get out of the car. They took turns walking up and down the aisles just to stretch out the muscles. Mike thought they looked like harassed parents, just without the crying baby.

"When I was a kid," Gabe said, "I wanted to come to Sacramento because that was where Deftones were from. I thought the whole city was skateboarding little hardcore kids. Then I finally got here and everything was different."

"It always works out that way."

"Nothing's like it's supposed to be," Gabe said. "When you're twenty years old and playing gigs for beer money, it seems glamorous, right? Then it's just a job."

"What if you get famous?"

"Ugh," Gabe said. "Fame is bullshit. I was the biggest asshole ever when all I thought about was getting famous. Had to bust up a couple decent relationships before I realized what I was doing. I'm never going back to that."

Mike used to spend days with Bill planning their next big hit. It never happened.

"You take the next shift driving, okay, Carden?" Gabe said. Mike nodded.

******

The GPS sent them off-course somewhere near Red Bluff, so Mike pulled over by the riverside to regroup. Gabe got out of the car and stomped around while Mike tried to figure out where they'd gone wrong.

When he finally managed to thrash the GPS into some kind of order, he got out and went to wash the accumulated road grime off him. Gabe was standing by the river, flicking stones at it.

"Do eels live in California?" Gabe asked.

"I don't know," Mike said. "I never saw them."

The water made a soft slapping noise against the banks. It was the kind of river that was good for splashing around in or tubing, not for racing. Back at school he'd spent God knows how many hours in SMC's heated pool, and it sometimes felt like his life would be a lot less complicated if he could be a fish, living in the water without any thought at all.

"I think I fixed the thing," he told Gabe. "Let's go."

*****

Most of the stores in Anderson were either closed or abandoned. They had been trying to find some trail mix for twenty minutes and things didn't seem likely to improve.

"Reminds me of the old days," Gabe said, tapping his nails against the dashboard. "Spending days in a smelly car trying to find some place to spend the per diem. Where are all the gas stations? There's got to be some place we can get some food and a stupid hat or something. Gas stations with stupid hats are all over America."

"Yeah, because that's all we get to see," Mike said. "Gas stations, airports and venues. I only got well-traveled after the band broke up."

Gabe didn't say anything for a minute. "You feel like that?"

Mike stared at the empty stores outside the windshield. "No," he said. "Not really."

*****

They briefly discussed whether to stop at the museum in Yreka, but it didn't seem likely. "I think it's a lot of Gold Rush stuff," Mike said. "I don't know if I can look at gold for too long."

"'I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold,'" Gabe hummed. "I don't want to go. It's just depressing. How many people sold their soul for gold, you know? Plus I bet it's all grimy inside. I just bought new shoes."

"Did you sell your soul for them?"

"You're such a douchebag, Carden. Here I thought college life would have mellowed you out. Still a douchebag."

"Look who's talking," Mike said, even though it was nice to hear that Gabe still felt the same way about him.

*****

He sucked Gabe off somewhere outside of Roseburg, by the side of the South Umpqua River. He didn't know how it happened; maybe to celebrate finally making it into Oregon or for old time's sake or just because. It wasn't the greatest time he'd ever had. Gabe smelled sour and tasted bitter, and the steering wheel kept wedging into him if he moved more than a millimeter. It probably wasn't great for Gabe either; the air conditioning had sucked every drop of moisture out of his mouth and it was hard to swallow.

Somehow or another they got through it. Mike pulled away and wiped his mouth. Gabe pushed himself back into his jeans and zipped up.

"Well," Gabe said, "I'm not going to ask if that was as good for you as it was for me, because we both know that was the worst thing that ever happened ever."

Mike burst out laughing.

"Hey, count yourself lucky. It's not often I suck at fucking around. Wanna go see if there's a coffee place around here?"

"Yeah."

"Okay then," Gabe said, and drove.

*****

"Maybe you could get a degree at the University of Oregon," Gabe said when they passed the exit sign. "I dunno, major in hippie shit."

"Have to move to Oregon for that," Mike said. "Not my scene."

"It's got rivers and whatever."

"Not enough sunshine," Mike said.

"California spoiled you."

"Totally," Mike said. "I wasn't sure what I was going to be in California. Never thought I'd stay for long."

"You'll be a media mogul, just you wait," Gabe said cheerfully. "You can hang out in Hollywood, running the world in Hollywood."

"I don't think I want that anymore."

"Really?"

"I haven't figured it out," Mike said. "But I'm halfway there."

*****  
When they finally got to Portland, he expected Gabe to immediately head off to his weird crystal whoever, but Gabe seemed more interested in wandering around with him and finding vegan cafés than continuing his spiritual quest.

They found the pool in Creston Park. It was after hours, but Mike hopped the fence without a problem. Gabe groused a little about ripping his pants but followed him.

He stripped down to his shorts and dove into the pool. He'd been bracing himself for the shock of cold water; the pool was heated and it felt like a kiss.

"You'll catch pneumonia," Gabe said cheerfully.

"Come on in," Mike said. "The water's warm."

"I thought I was a better influence on you," Gabe said, but stripped down and hopped in. "I bet I can hold my breath longer than you can."

"I don't think so."

"Can so," Gabe said and ducked under the water.

Mike took a breath and dived, curling his legs to his chest. For a second, he let himself float, water holding him up. He felt the movement, an impression of current, as Gabe gave in and surfaced. Gabe's body was steady next to his, waiting patiently until he came up, raising his face to the endless sky.


End file.
